Playing in Pause
by anyfoolsgo
Summary: the first cut is never the deepest. it bleeds and it hurts and you're scared. but it's just the beginning; we all need a new beginning. pause. rewind. review. restart.


Hello all~ afg here :3 thanks for lookin at my lil' story here, a few notes to get us started:

**Rated M. **For many reasons, including but not limited to frequent coarse language, adult situations, general fuckupedness, and potentially many other things. I don't know wtf the qualifiers for a mature story is any more. Too much over-sensitivity and blurred lines. Anywhooo, onwards:

**Disclaimer. **I, like every other man, woman, child and transgender on this site, own no legal rights to these characters. Disney and Square Enix are the masterminds there. I also cannot claim ownership for any words in the English language. I DO claim ownership to the fashion in which these unowned words have been strung together. No touchy.

**Summary:**

We hide. From ourselves, from others, from the world, from the mirror hanging on the adjacent wall, there's always something eternally ready to reveal our every flaw.

We are found.

We are hurt.

We hide.

We are forgiven.

We are saved.

By abandoning his previous life in Twilight Town, Roxas is after nothing more than a new beginning in Hollow Bastion, attending the local university. Axel is the dean's son, falling over every roadblock positioned before him, trying his damnedest to hide it.

We all break.

History best left abandoned becomes dredged up and once more, all is wrong in the world.

Let's set things right, once more.

God knows we need a second chance.

**Final notes: **I NEED A BETAAAAA! More info at the end of the chapter! And thank you all 3

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><p><strong>pausepausepausepausepause<strong>  
><em>I still remember it. I remember when we first met. I was twenty and you were eighteen. But I didn't know that. I didn't give a damn – you were just one of the bright-eyed brats running around. At that time I thought everything was about me; you were just a passing station on my ride. I never thought you would be my destination.<br>_**playplayplayplayplayplayplay**

"Three. Two. One. Release the Titans..." A small woman with hair a fair shade of red stopped looking at her watch and took paced steps to the front of the entry hall. At the end of the way, she rested her hand momentarily on an old brass door handle before using her weight to throw open the doors and release more than a hundred college freshman into the previously silent room. The capacious hall was soon filled with absent chatter of all the new-comers.

The woman gave a few feeble attempts to hush the growing crowd, but with a sigh and a flick of her hair, she spun on her heel and cut through the crowd, making her way to a small folding table set there just for this occasion. Once at the table, she crawled on top of it and gathered a large breath. "ALL RIGHT! SHUT IT!" Silence now reigned and she cleared her throat. "Okay everybody, welcome to Vayne University. My name is Airis and I'm here to make sure y'all know where your rooms and classes are. School starts in three days so lets get this going, shall we?" At this point, she hopped off the table and proceeded to cut the crowd in half. "This is how we do things here: everyone on this side of the room," she indicated the left side, "go outside. And everyone left over, stay here and socialize or something. I don't care, just no fights or breaking anything." She finished and skittered out the large door, leaving a lost and confused group behind momentarily; conversations were quickly rekindled.

In one corner, a young looking blonde boy with vicious bedhead sat with his iPod turned up too loud. In the opposite corner, a slightly older redhead sat with his head leaning against the wall behind him. The older was most definitely asleep. The two silently relaxed boys didn't see each other nor did they know of the other's existence.

**pausepausepausepausepause**  
><em>School wasn't a place I wanted to be. The only place that interested me at that point in my life was my own bedroom with the door locked, hiding from the world. Slowly, you pulled me away from that until the only time I was comfortable was when I was with you. But the games were just beginning.<br>_**playplayplayplayplayplayplay**

After being gone for about an hour, Airis returned and gathered up the remaining students. Everyone followed the small woman across campus to the dormitories. She went through the names quickly, making sure everyone knew they had the right room. The crowd grew smaller as everyone entered their rooms and after a while, there were only four left. "Axel Vayne and Demyx West – room 2804. Roxas Kaisho and Marluxia Retaem – room 2805. Good luck boys... and you two," Airis narrowed her eyes at two of the boys in the group, one with hair so red that it hurt to look directly at under the bright fluorescent lights and the other with such a fucked up mullet-fauxhawk combo it just hurt to look at in general, "you two had best behave or you know that Dad won't hesitate to split your ungrateful little asses apart."

The redhead smirked ruefully before speaking with a low swagger "Sir, yes, sir; ma'am, yes, ma'am, I love ya big sis. Now let me and my accompanying_ ass - _more commonly referred to as Demyx, FYI, do what we must to turn this room into our new headquarters for the year." He swung a lanky arm around the shoulders of his new (apparently predetermined) roommate and gave his sister a smile that would have been absolutely charming if he hadn't been so sarcastic in speech.

The boy he was leaning on, Demyx, suppressed a chortle as Airis didn't even attempt to suppress a sigh. She turned to the other two boys in the hallway and looked at the one with long, feathered pink hair. "Marluxia – please make sure the imbeciles don't kill anyone, including themselves."

Marluxia snorted, "Don't worry, that's already my full time job, it doesn't need to be reminded."

Airis still shook her head. "Axel, one of these days you'll finally succeed in giving me that ulcer I've always wanted." Looking away, down the hall, she straightened her hair and adjusted her posture. "Well, then. I've got scholarly duties to attend to, so I'll see you boys later." She nodded her goodbye and three of the boys entered room 2804, leaving one small blonde boy alone to his devices. Airis had turned to leave as well when she remembered something. "Oh, and Roxas?"

The previously forgotten blonde looked up from opening his door and turned his attention to the woman in the hallway. "Yeah?"

Airis took a couple steps towards him and put her hand on his shoulder. The boy looked at the intrusion to his space before looking at Airis. She looked concerned. "I know you're here on full scholarship, so you must be pretty damn bright. And I don't want that dulled away by my brother, okay? But Marly is a good guy, he should keep you safe from the idiot's influence. But if you have any problems- any at all, come find me at the student services office and I'll see what I can do, alright?"

Roxas nodded his understanding and Airis smiled. "You're all right, kid." She ruffled his hair and left. In turn, Roxas puffed up as he smoothed his hair back into what he saw as being in place and entered room 2805.

There wasn't much to see, but Roxas liked what he saw. The ceilings were high and instead of putting both beds on the floor, there was a loft with the second student's furniture. Roxas immediately claimed the loft since his roommate (Marluxia?) was in the room across the hall and not there to defend his territory. The blonde figured the semi-privacy of the loft was worth the climb to it.

**pausepausepausepausepause  
><strong>_It was only a matter of time.  
><em>**playplayplayplayplayplayplay**

Roxas sneezed and instantaneously lunched into a coughing fit. Great. Getting sick just before the first day; what an amazing way to start off his college career. Rubbing his nose, Roxas leaned against the wall. Now that the loft was situated to his likings, the funk of boredom blanketed the room. It had only been three hours since he was assigned to room 2805, and he was already tired of it. Wonderful.

Tugging down the hem of his long sleeved shirt, Roxas rubbed the fabric roughly over his brow, inhaling deeply. Any other time and he would have been comfortably situated at his home in Twilight Town, perched on the couch he had insisted be placed in his room a few years back, devouring potato chips and watching re-runs of _Lost_. But time had placed him here. 200 miles from any familiar faces, now perched on an uncomfortable mattress, staring blankly at the wall as snot pooled in his left nostril.

A particularly violent sneeze ripped him from his reverie and he glanced quickly around his surroundings, surprised by the sneak attack launched upon him by his immune system. Roxas yawned, unabashedly not bothering to cover his mouth, as he looked at the wall clock. In his slight stupor, it took him a moment to figure out the placement of the hands. It was barely 4 o'clock. Groaning, he pulled himself together and slid from the bed, wiggling his toes against the carpeting. He had to get out the room, otherwise the next thing he would be aware of would be waking up at 2 in the morning. Tugging on a pair of sneakers, he pocketed his wallet and slowly descended his ladder.

**playplayplayplayplayplayplay**

The variations of cold medicines was astounding. Roxas let his eyes meander over the bright packages and long words, his mind struggling to keep up. He felt drugged enough already, what with the wight of an unexpected illness weighing down his every atom, that he had no idea what pharmaceutical he should start popping. Tearing his eyes away from the display, he surveyed the store. It was just a quick bus ride from campus. When he had been leaving his room, Roxas debated upon whether he should search for an on-campus store that would potentially be closed because school hadn't officially started or if he should brave the bus to go the the grocery store he knew would be open. It was an easy enough choice.

Once again, the blonde was quickly pulled from his thoughts - this time by the sound of someone else shuffling down the aisle, loudly clearing his voice so Roxas could be aware of his presence. "Hello, sir, is everything alright? You've been standing here a while... Is there anything I can help you find?" The guy was polite enough, but Roxas found himself biting back a growl. He wasn't in a social mood and didn't need any damn help grabbing a box of medicine from the shelf.

Forcing a polite smile, Roxas stuck his arm out and grabbed the nearest box on the shelf, holding it up for the market's employee to see. "No, thanks, I'm good here." He hunched his shoulders slighted and moved to exit the aisle.

The employee coughed slightly and Roxas would've sworn he was coughing back a giggle. But he stopped, turning back and looking at the guy. He looked abashed but was still grinning. "Sorry, I just don't think you meant to grab that..." He chuckled, turning to the shelf and plucking a box from the stand before walking up the Roxas, holding the box out to him. "Trade ya."

Roxas looked at the product being offered to him, then at the one offering it (he was grinning brightly still), then to the box in his hand, turning it over to look at the front. A big pink smiley face was staring un-blinkingly up at him, mocking his ill thought out decision in picking a product. Grumbling, Roxas traded the baby's teething relief for the cold medicine. "...Thanks."

The employee just laughed, replacing the unwanted box back to it's place on the shelf. "Hey, no problem! I'm here to help and all that, you know?" He was grinning brightly. "Lemme guess - you're here for the university, right? Just rolled into town, now you're all alone for the first time and you have no idea what to do? That sound about right?"

Perking an eyebrow up, Roxas quirked a small grin. This character speaking to him was slowly diminishing his foul mood. "Yeah, you're pretty damn close... I've got no idea what I'm doing here, if you couldn't tell."

The employee laughed again, "Trust me, you're not the only lost soul wandering around here right now! I'm about to be a sophomore at Vayne, but I've lived here in Hollow Bastion my whole life, seen everyone around here come and go, you're in good company to say the least."

"So you mean I'm not the only incompetent one around here? Never would've guessed." Roxas grinned a bit wider, feeling somewhat comforted, to show his sarcasm wasn't an attack of any sorts. "But you're a sophomore? You look young..."

The brunette's face shifted, and Roxas would've sworn the guy was...pouting? "Yeah, I get that a lot... but I'm almost twenty!" The kid looked like he was about to stomp his foot to prove his point and Roxas' grin quirked, amused.

"Okay, whatever you say, you can be old if you want to be. I'm gonna stay young as long as possible... And by the way, thanks for getting me the right meds here, I'm gonna head back and crash in the dorm now, nice meeting you." Giving The guy a small salute with the hand holding the box, Roxas once again turned to head towards the cashier.

"Wait! I never got your name!"

Roxas turned slightly, glancing back over his shoulder "Oh, it's Roxas, nice to meet you, Sora." Nodding again, he turned around once more towards the registers.

"How'd you-"

"...Nametag!" Roxas didn't bother turning around, he just laughed. He didn't hear a response back and went to pay for the medicine, hoping to get some of it in his system as soon as possible.

It wasn't until he was almost past the sensors at the door that he heard Sora again. "Wait, Roxas!" Looking up, he saw Sora jogging over. "I've been thinking about it... since I couldn't tell you my name, can I tell you my number?" Roxas looked at him blankly, confused. "Oh, no! I didn't mean anything like that! Just, if you wanted someone to show you around the city or something...? Oh wow, I sound stupid, nevermind." Sora once again looked abashed, reaching behind his head to scratch his neck and rolling back on his heels.

Roxas shook himself back to attention. "Nah, it's cool" He grinned slightly, "I'll give you mine too, just in case..."

Sora snapped back, grinning happily once again "Cool!"

**playplayplayplayplayplayplay**

It was after six before Roxas was standing in front of his dorm again. Opening the door, it looked exactly the same as how he had left it - meaning Marluxia hadn't been back at all. Glancing at room 2804, Roxas quirked his brow, wondering what they were doing, but he was too tired to think much. Locking the door behind him, he opened the bottle of pills, spilling two into his hand. Turning on the sink faucet, he popped them both into his mouth and used his hands as a cup to swallow them down. Wiping his hands on his jeans, he moved across the room to forge his way up the ladder. By the time he had made it to his bed, he was beginning to rethink whether or not it was worth the climb.

**pausepausepausepausepause**

So chapter one. Kinda a prologue, kinda not... Well, it is what it is~ Like it? Hate it? Feel free to tell me, I can take it, promise ;] Constructive criticism is always adored, so throw it at me!  
>Okay, now kiddies, I'm looking for a beta. I have NO IDEA how I'm supposed to go through the bajillion ads and find someone xD So, if you like the story at all and are interested in working with me for even<br>just one chapter, pleasepleaseplease hit me up! Or if you know anyone that might be interested, ask them too! I need someone to bounce ideas off of and that can catch inconsistencies and/or rough diction.

Again, thank you all~ 3


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